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  But she shook her head. “I’m sorry, but I’ve been on my feet all day, and I’d really like to lie down. Plus, I can only eat beige food.”

  My brow quirked. “Beige food?”

  “Yes—mashed potatoes, chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, oatmeal, hashed browns, plain pasta, crackers, bananas, toast, rice. As long as it’s beige, it stays exactly where it’s supposed to. The second I introduce color, blort.” She motioned with her hand, indicating an exodus from her mouth.

  “The beige diet. Sounds like every toddler’s dream.”

  “I’m a little concerned I’m going to go into carb shock. But I’ll take anything over vomiting. There’s nothing so exquisitely disgusting and traumatizing as throwing up. And I’ve done enough of that in the last few days to last me for quite some time.”

  For a moment, I watched her as she stood straight and proud in my office. Her little nose was up in the air, just enough to make her look discerning, her shoulders square. The effect jutted her breasts out, framed by her arms, her hands clasped in front of her hips.

  God, she was pretty without even trying. Her eyes were lined with thick black lashes, her lips curved and wide. She was sensual without realizing, without intention.

  Which made her all that much more beautiful.

  “Well, I’ll be going then,” she said. “Thank you again. For…for everything.” A flush rose in her cheeks, her eyes suddenly shining. It was emotion, a foreign thing on her stoic face.

  “No, thank you,” I insisted. “For trusting me. For agreeing to something so unorthodox.”

  A smile, small and delicate. “Well, we aren’t really the orthodox type, are we?”

  And with a laugh, I agreed.

  I escorted her through the house and out the front door, waiting in the doorway to watch her walk away.

  Oh, how I hated watching her walk away. But soon, I wouldn’t have to.

  With a deep sigh, I closed the front door, slipping my hands in the pockets of my slacks. I heard Ma’s TV on in her room and was grateful for the privacy she’d afforded Katherine and me. I’d been terrified I’d spook her, run her off for good. But to my absolute shock, she’d come over here just to say yes. I’d thought I’d be chasing her around for months.

  Logic and reason for the win.

  The doorbell rang, and I paused, glancing over my shoulder. My first thought was of Katherine, the hope that she’d changed her mind and decided to stay paramount.

  But instead of Katherine, I found a big-eyed Amelia on my stoop with my smirking brute of a brother behind her.

  “How did it go?” she asked, bouncing a little on the balls of her feet.

  “She said yes,” I answered with a smile too big to be considered anything but a grin.

  At that, she shot off her feet in a squeal and into my arms. “Oh, I’m so glad, Theo. I knew she’d come around.”

  I chuckled and set her down. “Come on in. I need a drink.”

  They filed in, and I closed the door, beelining for the booze. I poured a scotch for each of us, grabbed them by the rims in one hand, and headed into the living room.

  “Well, tell us what happened,” Tommy said as he took it. “Melia’s been watching out the front window for Katherine to leave for twenty minutes.”

  She nodded emphatically. “It’s true.”

  I laughed and took a drink. “It went as expected. Better, I guess, since she didn’t refuse. She had a list of rules, and I got her to agree to see me once a week so we can get to know each other before she moves in.”

  “Oh, smart, Theo,” Amelia said with an approving nod.

  “Thank you.” I tipped my glass in her direction before taking a sip. “Her first doctor’s appointment is next week. We’re going together.”

  Amelia frowned. “You know they’re going to…you know…check her out, right?” She waggled her fingers in the direction of her hips.

  “I figured that was what she meant when she mentioned a pelvic exam.”

  “Don’t you think that’ll be a little weird? You seeing a doctor…you know.” Her cheeks were a brilliant shade of red.

  “I’m sure they see enough vaginas to be completely desensitized. And I’m quite familiar with hers. I’m not going to miss the opportunity to hear the baby’s heartbeat.”

  At that, her face opened up. “Oh my gosh. The heartbeat?”

  I nodded. “We’re supposed to get a picture, too.”

  She pressed her palm to her chest. “Oh, Theo.”

  Now I was flushed, too. So, naturally, I changed the subject. “She’s moving in when she’s out of the first trimester, so in a few weeks. She laid out her ground rules. I’m optimistic.”

  “Think she’ll come around?” Tommy asked.

  I glanced at Amelia, not sure if she knew how I felt about Katherine.

  “She knows,” Tommy answered the unspoken question.

  I sighed.

  “I want to believe the way I feel isn’t one-sided. When I touch her, I know it’s not. But she’s not ready. So, I’ll be patient and hope she either learns to trust me or can’t fight it anymore. And if not…well, I suppose there are worse things than wanting a woman who doesn’t want you back. We’re bound together regardless. Do I have a reason to be optimistic about that too, Amelia?”

  “You do,” she said. “She resisted being friends with us at first. But once she opens that door and lets you in, her loyalty is unwavering. She is one of the most dependable, steadfast, giving people I know. I mean, as long as giving doesn’t require hugs. She has a thing about personal space.”

  I chuckled. “I’ve heard. In fact, I’ve been asked to stay out of hers so as not to tempt her with my pheromones.”

  “That sounds about right. But just…just be patient. I can’t say much, but I’ll tell you there’s hope.”

  And I took that blessing and let it fuel my resolve.

  8

  Blob

  Katherine

  7 weeks, 3 days

  The silence in the cold waiting room was broken by the sharp crinkling when my naked ass stuck to the paper under it.

  I shifted, my face pinched in a glorious frown as I tried to dislodge the thin, cold liner of the table from my butt. My feet were in stirrups, my bare knees pointed at the dotted ceiling tiles, the gown draped between my legs so my entire vagina wasn’t on display.

  Theo was thankfully at my shoulder and not sitting in the chair. From there, he probably would have been able to note the anatomy of my vagina in great detail.

  I huffed, pushing myself up to sit. “This is silly. I don’t know why the nurse made me put my feet in the stirrups when the doctor isn’t even here yet.” I was so worried about covering my legs, I forgot the back of the gown was wide open.

  “Here, let me help you.” His fingers brushed the exposed skin of my back with the softest touch.

  A riot of goosebumps flared from the spot.

  He tied each of the ribbons deftly and in quick succession.

  “Thank you,” I murmured. “I dislike feeling helpless.”

  “Something we have in common. But I have to admit, I like being useful.”

  “Something we have in common,” I echoed as he rested his hand on my back in a gesture of comfort for only a second. I was instantly cold when it disappeared.

  “Nervous?” he asked.

  I shifted to look up at him. He was resplendent in a suit so dark, his eyes looked like shining mahogany, shot with a brown so vibrant, it was nearly red.

  “A little,” I admitted. “There’s a possibility she won’t find a heartbeat.”

  A shadow passed across his face, but before he could speak, a knock sounded on the door. It opened without confirmation.

  “Hello, Katherine,” Dr. Stout said, extending her hand. Her smile was kind, comforting. The gesture coupled with the firm shake put me instantly at ease.

  “Hello,” I echoed.

  “I’m Dr. Stout,” she said to Theo, offering her hand again.

 
; “Theo,” he said as he shook it.

  “Nice to meet you,” she said, taking a seat on the rolling stool. She glanced at my chart on the counter as she pulled on rubber gloves the color of a robin’s egg with a creak and a snap. “So it looks like we’re nearing seven weeks. How are you feeling?”

  “Fine, other than the nausea.”

  “She’s on the beige diet,” Theo added helpfully.

  “Smart. Carbs, carbs, and more carbs. Keeping your stomach full will help.” She rolled over to the stirrups. “All right, let’s get your feet up here.”

  I exchanged a look with Theo, who shifted to move further up the table in a discreet display of respect for my privacy. I reminded myself that at least a dozen people would see my vagina, and all those people saw vaginas for a living. Old news, no big deal.

  But if I were being honest, I was more concerned with Theo seeing it than the doctor. There were times and places for a man to see a vagina, and in the presence of a doctor was not my preference on any one of them.

  The view was shielded by my gown, which Dr. Stout draped artfully between my legs. The click of the speculum in the quiet room made me wince even more than the cranking of the damn thing to open me up. Theo shifted again, this time to lean on the table next to my head. I looked up at the upside-down image of him.

  He smiled and reached for my hand. His was so broad that it easily covered mine, warm against the chill of the room.

  “We’re looking good,” she said, removing the device.

  Theo stifled a smile, and I rolled my eyes at him even though I wanted to laugh, too.

  “Katherine, I want you to start taking prenatal vitamins. Just any over-the-counter brand will be fine,” she said as she stood, reaching for my belly to feel around. She pushed hard enough to make me wince again, dragging her fingers down. Noting my expression, she said, “I’m just checking the height of your uterus. It’s in line with your conception date. Now, let’s take a listen to that heartbeat.”

  Theo squeezed my hand, and as much as I hated breaking the personal space rule, his presence was too much of a comfort to lose strictly because of my rules.

  The doctor wheeled over a machine with a wand hooked on the side. Not the magical kind that turned on lights or called Death Eaters, but the kind you had to lubricate to get it to do its job.

  Although cold, it was preferable to the speculum. The sonogram machine came to life in a wave of white noise, the screen static. There was nothing but empty gray.

  My lungs burned. I realized I wasn’t breathing, but I couldn’t seem to force my lungs open. My ribs were locked down tight.

  In a burst of sound, a heartbeat filled the room, fast and fluttering. It sounded like it was underwater, the bow, bow, bow of a pulse through amniotic fluid.

  My throat closed, and an unfamiliar sting nipped at my nose, the corners of my eyes, the weight in my chest.

  That sound was the sound of my child. In my body was a baby, tail and appendage nubs and all. There was a person growing inside of me, which I had known all along. But the unexpected reaction to that sweetest of sounds was the instant connection, the complete and undeniable realness of the fact.

  I looked up at Theo, at the softness of his face, the depths of his dark eyes, shining with emotion. But he didn’t speak, and for that, I was glad. Because no words could have possibly explained the complexity of the moment.

  He smoothed my hair, pressed a kiss to my crown, kept holding my hand. The doctor turned the screen a bit, angling it toward us as she manipulated the tools she needed to take a picture and some measurements with the help of a little yellow cursor.

  She pointed at the screen, a sea of gray static with a little white blob in the middle. “And there’s your baby.”

  Theo and I simultaneously leaned in, squinting at the screen.

  She chuckled. “I know it doesn’t look like much, but we’ll do another one at your next appointment, and it’ll look a little closer to what you might expect.”

  The machine whirred, spitting out a strip of pictures, which she tore off and handed over.

  “Do you have any questions for me?”

  I did. I actually had a massive list of questions I’d accrued over the last week and a half. But when she handed me the sonogram pictures, my mind was empty of even one.

  “No, thank you,” I murmured, my eyes on the little blob on the shiny paper.

  “All right. Well, if you think of anything, just call. Why don’t you go ahead and get dressed, and I’ll go get you your information packet and welcome kit.”

  We didn’t answer, and she left the room without waiting for us to.

  The door clicked shut. I sat. Theo sat next to me. And for a moment, we stared down at the pictures in silence.

  “That’s our baby, Kate,” he said reverently, brushing the blob with the pad of his big index finger.

  “Its heartbeat is so fast. It’s so small. Defenseless. Dependent on me.” I hushed, not by choice. My throat wouldn’t open again.

  He shifted. Brushed my hair over my shoulder. His fingers absently trailed down my shoulder blade and down the back of my arm.

  “Katherine, look at me.”

  I broke my stare, lifted my eyes, felt something shift in my chest when I looked into his irises.

  His face was tight with emotion and certainty that brooked no argument.

  “Your body knows exactly what to do. You know exactly what to do. And if you need to be reminded, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, Kate.”

  I believed every word, trusted every syllable. And beyond reason, I found myself leaning into him.

  His hand slipped into my hair, the line of my jaw resting in his palm. Those black eyes shifted to my lips, which tingled, parted and aching.

  Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, went my heartbeat.

  My hand rested on his chest, fingertips hooking his lapel.

  His lips inched closer, his breath sweet and hot.

  I closed my eyes.

  But the connection never came.

  Not from his lips at least.

  The fabric of his suit coat brushed my lips, and my eyes shot open in surprise. His arm wound around me, and his lips pressed hard against my forehead. I was crushed to him, held in his arms where I stayed for a stunned, disoriented moment.

  “Come on,” he said, his voice gravelly and raw. “Let’s get you dressed.”

  And so I did, cursing my hormones and rules in equal measure.

  9

  Emotionally Bendy

  Katherine

  A collective aww echoed in the kitchen.

  The three heads of my roommates were pressed together like the fates over the sonogram picture.

  Val, Rin, and Amelia had been waiting for me when I walked in the door feeling shaken and unsure—two feelings that brought me enough distress to have me questioning everything, even my breakfast choice, which sat sour in my stomach.

  I sat at the island in the kitchen across from the three of them, hands clammy and clasped in my lap.

  “It’s just a little bean,” Rin cooed. “So cute.”

  “It doesn’t even have a face,” I noted.

  They gave me simultaneous flat looks.

  “What? It doesn’t.”

  “But it will,” Amelia said.

  I sniffed rather than respond.

  “How did it go? How’d Theo take it all?” Val asked.

  “Better than I did. I blame the hormones. I felt very…emotional. Sentimental.” I said it like they were filthy words.

  Rin chuckled. “Well, you are having a baby.”

  “I know. My hormones are unstable.”

  “I mean, that’s one explanation,” Val joked.

  “It’s the only explanation,” I corrected. “Afterward, I almost kissed him.”

  They shared a look, which I ignored.

  “I’m uncomfortable with the lack of control over my emotions at present. In fact, I’m reconsidering my decision to move in with him. If it
wasn’t for his equal stake in the embryo, I would probably change my mind.”

  They spoke all at once, echoing their dissent.

  I held up a hand to stop them. Partly because the sudden noise combined with the stress of the day and the fact that I’d run out of purse crackers had me feeling woozy.

  “I didn’t say I was going to. I just need to remind myself why I’m doing this. I’m sacrificing so much. My body. My emotions. My privacy. I’m opening my life, my self, to another person. Two, I suppose, including the embryo.”

  Val frowned. “Okay. Unload it, Katherine. What are you afraid of?”

  There was an emotion under layers of emotion, one that had been whispering and gurgling beneath the bedrock of my will. And, with her question, it bubbled up and sprang into my veins in a cold rush.

  It was panic, I realized distantly.

  I drew a deep breath. “I don’t know how to live with anyone other than you. I don’t even know how to talk to anyone other than you. And now, I’m moving in with a man I barely know, one who I want to kiss me again. And he absolutely cannot kiss me again. I’ve lost enough control without giving in to that.”

  Rin’s face was tight with worry. “But why not? You clearly like each other very much.”

  “Because I don’t trust myself to make decisions about things like that right now. It’s too complex. I don’t like complex in anything except puzzles. Things are already…messy. And messy makes me feel crazy. I feel crazy. Am I crazy?”

  Amelia reached for my hand. “You’re not crazy, Katherine,” she assured me. “This is just going to be hard on you. I think we all knew it would be.”

  Tears stung my eyes, and I fumed, sniffling and swallowing and choking them down. “It all feels like a mistake,” I admitted with a shaky voice.

  “Do you really feel that way?” Rin asked.

  I sighed, my breath trembling. “I don’t know. And I hate that I don’t know.”

  Val watched me for a moment. “Let me pose a scenario. What would have happened if you hadn’t found a heartbeat today at the doctor? Would you feel better or worse?”

  I flipped back to that moment just before we’d heard the sound that affected me so. The fear. The worry. It was as fresh as it had been then. And the elation on hearing the thrumming pulse was undeniably my answer.